17 August 2012

12:47 ante meridiem.

A year ago was my last night in my hometown before I ambled off to school. Tonight is my next last night, and certainly not the last. I'm fine about heading back tomorrow, but I can't help but feel all the emotions (more like one big, fat blob emotion of sad and panic) of last year.

It's weird. I've gotten so used to being at school and living there and eating there and making friends and doing homework and mundane things that I can do anywhere, but I'm doing them on my own and on my own time and independently and in my own space, my room, decorated with my things that have traveled from my house.

Last year I didn't wear makeup for days leading up to my departure. What's the point if I'm just going to cry it all off anyway? I packed things I totally did not need (that I'm leaving behind this year) because I needed the comfort of it. Three legged ceramic good luck pig from Arizona? Books that I already read/haven't read/won't read? Little trinkets that I'd grown accustomed to seeing but not seeing in my bedroom, things that all of the sudden I couldn't imagine living without. Cracks in my ceiling; would I miss staring at them each morning? More importantly, would I forget about them completely?

It's strange because I know I've changed, but sometimes I feel I haven't. I can't imagine being back in high school, living by their rules. But - the freedom of college terrified me. It still kind of does, but more in the sense that hours can go by watching endless Netflix and nobody will be there to tell me that I should probably brush up on my French verbs for the next days class, like my mother would usually be doing. Really haven't changed one bit.


I know I have. A year ago, I was dreading the next day and dreading the rest of the next days in the years to come. I'm such a homebody, mama and daddy's girl, and overall hermit that I couldn't even imagine life beyond my house, my town. But - an important but! - I'm sitting here, right now, kind of excited to get back, see my friends, the campus I love too much, set up my coffee pot because I feel like a domestic goddess just because I bought a stupid coffee maker. Things change, places, people.

Weird but not weird. Just my life motto, I guess.

1 comment:

  1. Love this post..

    It's funny how time changes everything. Heals everything, alters perceptions, and makes you see things differently.

    Thanks for sharing!


    marissa florence



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